more drinking, more okc

A sample Saturday night...

Some girlfriends and I have gotten into a routine for our Saturday nights.  We get dressed, casually.  Go to sushi, then go to the bar with the free candy.  Its a great plan and will likely happen again tonight, although we have been saying all week that we would change it up.  I doubt that will happen, its just so convenient, and the bar scene at the sushi place is hot.  Last week we went and Feathers struck up a convo with a guy (who is aware of this blog btw- so I have to be careful).  See?  Great bar scene.  Man, I wish he didn't know about the HB.  The night was looking to be a great one, we left sushi and went to the candy- with new guy in tow.  Sadly, candy bar was out of candy, what what WHAT?!?!  I had gotten the last blow pop, which really isn't a candy, its gum.  Gum and candy are totally different food categories.

Candy

Gum- pretending to be candy

I was sitting at the bar and feath came over to the guy next to me, she said "you're cute, she (me) is cute, you should talk."  So we did.  I found out he is 27 (of course), in school (of course) and we shared hobbies of watching television, drinking, and 'eating sandwiches'.  In fact, he had one made and suggested we go outside of the bar to eat it.  I was already getting drunk, and he possessed many of the traits I look for in a guy so I said yes.  He kept trying to make out with me at the bar so I was happy to walk outside to eat.  While outside, feath and new guy came out, they started making out by a fence and a friend we knew strolled along to the bar as all of this was happening.  It was quite a scene.  I kept fending off my new friend, I didn't want to make out with him.  We went back in the bar, he went to the bathroom and I bolted.  I still had my wits about me and knew I could make it home alone safely.  I bid feath and new guy adieu and jetted while 27 year old was in the bathroom.  I am very proud of myself for taking control of the situation.  So this is a typical night for us.  nice right?

Back to okcupid.  As I mentioned I have been getting a bit of attention (from many weird nerds) on there and agreed to meet some.  One guy liked the way I wrote with "elegance and wit" and suggested drinking a bottle of wine together right off the bat.  Also he's a rabbi, and owns a tv, how could I say no?

Name: Rabbi (duhh)
Age: 31
Date 1: same wine bar I went to with t-rex.  I was hoping they wouldn't remember me.

Rabbi is short.  He was dressed really nicely.  He is from Canada and is a rabbi at a synagogue in Halifax.  A cool metropolitan city on the northeast coast of Canada.  I learned this on the date.  I had SO many questions about being a rabbi, and how do you decide what type of rabbi to become, and where to go to rabbinical school, and how you can eat in a non-kosher wine bar and why did he chose to go to school in the US.  All sorts of stuff.  Rabbi was really interesting.  He loves to salsa dance and does it about twice a week, while sober.  He used to figure skate, has never eaten shellfish, only ate pork once in his life, is a big hockey fan, and he liked my big gold necklace (remember the Vespa guy?  this is a hit with the super Jews).

We ordered a bottle of wine, as promised, and a flatbread pizza.  I had to tell him about my allergy but figured it was fine bc we couldn't get milk and meat on the pizza anyways.  He didn't care.  He asked me a lot of questions too.  He asked about my grandparents, and if I was close with them (this seems like a very rabbi-ish question to ask), asked about my Jewish upbringing, another rabbi question.  I didn't tell him that I don't regularly go to synagogue on the high holidays (or ever) or that I came up with the great name of this blog while sitting in services while thinking about how I looked a little too skank for shul, or that I love pork and shrimp and would totally eat a cheeseburger if I could.
I actually had a really good time on the date.  We never ran out of conversation.  I let him touch my knee a few times, he smelled nice.
After the date (2 hours, my max) he walked me home.  He lives one block away from me.  Not about a block or close by, he lives pretty much around the corner, and frequents some of the same spots I do.  This is not a particularly good thing.  We kissed a little outside my building and I went home.  He texted me later that I was a delight.  This was nice to hear since I felt like a cow.  I am not totally feeling rabbi, but i would go out with him again just because he is interesting.  I have no intention of ever moving to Canada, or becoming a religious Jew who regularly goes to services so I don't think it would ever work out.

Rabbi texted me the day after our date to ask if I wanted to watch the baseball game.  I did, but not with him, not the next day.  That was too soon for me but it was nice of him to ask and I thought it was cute that he took the risk of asking me out again so soon.  I haven't heard from him since, which is ok, but now I am afraid to walk down his block or that I will see him out while on one of my many trysts with the men I meet.  not very kosher.

You probably noticed- I figured out how to add pictures to this thing. game changer.  

okC- not so hot

So jury duty only lasted one day- I was dismissed because I have to much compassion and wouldn't have been able to fairly decide on a case involving an old lady in a taxi accident.  Also, I think the lawyers thought I asked too many questions.  This was good because I didn't want to be picked for  a case that took me out of work for a few days, bad because I did enjoy doing nothing and again, fell behind on my HB.  In other news- my computer has been out of commission for the past few months.  Sisters hubby, a genius in the tech field (in many other areas too, except his college sports allegiance) hooked me up with a system that allows me to use it again.  He is amazing.  I can now post more often, which may have been one of the reasons he helped me.  He reads this and provides very insightful feedback.

Over the past few weeks I have been blowing up on ok cupid.  I went on two dates, and am thinking about going on others.  These guys pay!  The dates are also great practice for my dating skills, and who knows, one day I may meet a guy on there who is the right guy.  Doubtful, but who knows.

Name: t-rex (because he had short arms, like a t-rex!)  Someone suggested this name to me and I loved it so thank you.
Age: profile says 34, but I think he's more like 38.  Or he ages REALLY badly.
Date 1: Wine bar 2 blocks from my place.  Yeahyea!
The date was arranged over text.  Seems like phone calls are a thing of the past.  I was dreading this date because
1. He has stupid looking hair in his profile pics
2. He seemed like a huge nerd
3. I (or rather a friend with access to my account) contacted him on okC.  After this date I decided I am only going out with the guys who contact me.  It shows that they have some confidence, which is important when dating someone like me,
4. I had girlfriends who went out that night and would have way rather gone with them.

I went anyways.  He was running late which was good news because I was too.  However, he walked there.  This made no sense to me because he lives a mile and a half away and it was really humid out and he was running late, so why not get in a cab?
I got there first and yikes! I knew someone at the bar.  It was a woman I know though my professional (hah) life.  She is totally awesome though and I told her I was meeting a guy there from a website and that it was all my friends fault for setting it up.  She thought it was hilarious and had also been on blind dates at the same bar.  She promised to pretend she didn't know me when he came in.  This didn't end up being a problem though bc he was so late that she left before he arrived.  i was thinking about doing the same.

t-rex was so nervous!  The date lasted 2 hours, 2 glasses of wine each and bruschetta.  I think he wanted to touch my hands or arms, i could just tell.  So I sat with my arms folded, i wasn't having any of that.  I knew right away that this would be a one date guy, but I stuck the date out becauseI am so polite and wanted a drink.  The conversations wasn't horrible, but it was boring and because I wasn't interested in him I didn't care about what he had to say. Plus, his little t-rex arms kept throwing me.  After two hours were up I said I had to go home, he asked for the bill and took it immediately and paid.  No questions asked.  This part I really liked.  

The servers at this bar were excellent. I am sure there are a lot of blind dates that happen there and they knew exactly how to approach the table without making things awkward.  I remember when I used to go out and see dates at bars and could always tell if it was a first date, and how uncomfortable the people looked and probably felt.  Being on the other side of that now sucks because I know there are other people at the bar like me, looking at my date and judging.  Its a weird feeling.

At the end of the date t-rex asked if I would like to go out again.  Way to put a girl on the spot.  I said yes because I felt bad, but really had no intention of ever seeing him again.  He texted me the next day suggesting we meet up next week.  Then he called and left a message a few days later.  I haven't responded.  Mean I know, but t-rex is really bad at reading body language.  I didn't kiss him after the date and feathers says that if a date is good, it always ends with a kiss. She should teach class.  He also did not ask to walk me home, thank god, because I wasn't going home.  I went straight to 16 handles and got sugared up.

Still workin it, just more sporadic

Long time, no update. And there's lots to say.

This is the problem with a full time job. Over the summer I was free
to date and write away. Now I just want to eat and drink and be lazy
with my DVR. I am trying to get back in the swing of things, and I
have been on a few interesting dates. Today and tomorrow I have jury
duty so I have the chance to catch up on important things, like the
HB!  I do think its worth noting that I did try to look somewhat ok
today bc I am in a courthouse and you never know who you will meet.
Meanwhile, there is a large woman, with mighty large breasts hanging
out reading 50 Shades right next to me.

Name: Buddha
Date 2: well...not really sure it was a date. Seems the Buddha has
about zero game.
The plan was to see a documentary movie. He asked if I was interested
in going, I was but was going back home to meet my two new favorite
people for the first time ever, E and B.  I love them.
Then I didn't hear from him. I think he thought I was blowing him off
which wasn't the case at all. It seems like guys get this impression
from me. I think they all need to grow some balls.
After a week, I texted him and he asked again about the movie. We made
a plan.  I met him at the theater on a Sunday afternoon. We were going
to get coffee first. When I met him it was raining, but not too badly.
We went up to the booth to buy tickets. He went first, and bought one
ticket. Yep. One. Didn't pay for me. So I bought mine, then we went to
coffee and I went first.  I bought for myself. Seriously uncool. This
is why I am not sure if it was a date, it was very bizarre. If he
thought it was a date and didn't buy me a movie ticket and coffee,
this is clearly not the man for me. Also, I think he's too smart for
me.  He goes to intellectual movies, I see movies about girls who
start sex lines. He reads books, I read blogs.  I watch a lot of tv,
he does not. I am no dummy, but he projects a much higher intelligence
than me, and I can't keep up. I am good at pretending though.
The movie was good, depressing, but good. We sat in the theater and
talked about it for a little bit after. Then we went to the subway to
go home.  There was a weird moment where I think he didn't know
whether or not to kiss me. He didn't.
I spent the subway ride wondering what just happened. If it was a
friends thing, that's fine, but then he sent a text saying we should
meet in Brooklyn next time. No way I'm traveling to Brooklyn to pay
for another coffee. Feed me food, pay for it and act like its a date
dammit. A few days after he asked what I was doing, that evening (way
to give a girl some time to prepare bud). Sister and BIL were coming
in town that night, I guess Buddha has a poor memory bc I did tell him
that. He said he forgot. Whatever. I haven't heard from him since. I
could have said "sister and BIL are coming tonight, but I'm free later
this week". But I did not. He can take the lead and ask me out again
if he wants. I'll likely see him in Nov when friends are in town, so
we'll see what happens there.

When relaying my date to friends, I asked, what is it about me that
make guys not pay for me?  Co said "maybe they think you are
independently wealthy". I thought this was hilarious. Clearly not the
case, but it certainly seems to be a trend with the men I choose.
It's so lame and totally counters my whole plan to get free food and
drinks.
Ok. Next.

Name: Rock Climber
This is not a date, but a phone call.   I mentioned in a past post
that he called and left a message.    I left one back. He took a while
but finally called me back. I was a little drunk when he called, and I
picked up. I was so curious about what he had to say.

Right away he asked if I had gotten a bike for a bike race I was
planning on doing. He clearly had this planned to say to break the ice
bc it was such a random thing to ask.  We chatted about a bunch of
stupid stuff for a while. He asked how my summer was and commented
that I was away for a long time. It was really only a month, but I
think that's why he stopped corresponding with me. I think it's pretty
immature. He knew I had the trip planned, he could have easily stayed
in touch. Again, grow some balls.

Then he told me he moved out of his place. I thought to myself, yay,
no more roommate. Maybe he even got himself a tv. Nope. Guess where he
moved. Guess.

In with his parents!

I can't even make this stuff up. It's amazing. He said its closer to
where he was doing rotation, and how he can't wait to be done and move
and how he's already getting recruited. But seriously. He is 38. He
lives with mom and dad. I knew they were close and he visited them
more than most grown men would visit their parents, but now he lives
with them. I acted like it didn't matter, but it definitely does.
Then, he asked if I wanted to take a yoga class with him the next day.
He had a one month membership to a yoga studio, which happens to be
the yoga studio I go to when I (very, very rarely) do yoga. He said he
had a bunch of free passes for me to use.

So lets get this straight.
He doesn't contact me for 3 months.
He calls and tells me he moved in with his parents.
He wants to take me to a free yoga class. The next day.

Is he kidding?  I obv said no, I had plans. I could take a free yoga
class on my own, plus after being MIA for so long, he really should
take me on a real date. Then he asked me to hang out that Saturday
afternoon (he was watching his nieces on Sat night ). Too bad, I had
plans.
During the conversation he did say "I guess you were surprised to hear
from me."   Duh. Yes. I said what's that's all about?  He said "I
don't know. I kept thinking about you."  Of course he did.  What a
moron. I haven't heard from him since and doubt I will. I'm sure he
thinks I don't like him, as that's what he thought after all our other
dates, but this time he's right!

Drinking is Good

This is a combination of a few random nights out.  No dates, just a lot of drinking

While out on one of these evenings Feathers and I came up with what I think is a genius idea. Relationship rings for men.
I guess it doesn't have to be a ring, but some symbol a man in a relationship wears to let the single women at the bar know "hands off". This could be really helpful on both ends. I won't waste my time and the gf doesnt have to worry about people like me hitting on their men.  We meet a lot of men out, only to find that they are taken. This annoys me so much. Unless they buy me a drink anyways, which I always accept.  At least a vodka soda makes wasting my time more enjoyable because I'm still getting drunk.  Luckily we found a few of these generous guys last week.  Two of them were actually a lot of fun to talk to. I clearly didn't give a fuck about talking about anything on my mind, what does HB have to lose?  Some topics of convo: they asked me how to get their ladies to give a better bj without offending them. I asked about pube hair preference (this is a fav topic of mine). We discussed what is a bigger deal, mouth or privates sex.  Among other things...
Side note- while getting waxed before my trip back to MI I asked my waxer what was normal.  She said there is no normal and she would see what she thought looked good on me. I thought "Seriously?  How do you determine that?"  Do some styles make you look thinner bc that's obv what I wanted.  I am not sure I love what she did but I'll live with it for now. I actually bought a package at the waxing salon bc it was cheaper and I figure I have to keep up appearances these days bc you never know...
Back to story. Ok. So these guys were great. Taken, but very fun and bought me drinks so I had a great time.  They wanted to set me up with their friend but the guy was 25, that's just too young. Even though he reportedly has a big weiner and is a doctor. I have SOME standards, no more of the young'uns.
I should mention that we met these guys after going out to a singles event. This was my first official singles event and I hated it as soon as we walked into the bar. The crowd was mostly chicks and young Asian men. My friends and I were approached by a 25 yo Asian boy and the lesbian owner of the bar (who gave us shots of tequila so it was ok). The event was not successful for us, however it was funny to watch everyone there and to send Feathers over to talk to the ones I thought were cute, of course they were all young.  So that was the night, young guys and relationship guys. Thank god for alcohol.
Flash forward two nights and we were back out meeting creepers. I met one who was real nerdy but did buy me a drink and did text me to ask me out the next day, I'm not responding back to him though. I drank a lot at the bar and when it was time to leave he gave my friends a hard time about me leaving, saying how he would walk me home. We know I'll go home with pretty much anyone so I am glad they were there to drag me out. We went to another bar where I met another creep to talk to and again was escorted by my girlfriends out (this was all after eating fries, burger, chicken fingers, candy at 3am. I need food rehab)  I always have in my head that I should go out alone one night and sit at a bar for dinner and a drink and possibly will meet someone that way but it isn't looking like that's the best plan for me. I need my girls there to watch me.


Thats about it for now.  Its been a boring month.  However, RC called and left a message at 10:30pm on Saturday.  What do you think that was all about?  We have a few ideas..booty call?  He was seeing someone and now is single?  He's a douche?  He was drunk and saw my name in his phone?  Who knows.  I called back and left a vm on Monday.  I wan to ask what the hell happened, and I will if I get the chance.  I want to be the one blowing guys off, NOT the other way around.  HB doesn't like that.