Birthday one nighter

(Not with the old guy, relax)

It was my birthday. This year it fell on a Saturday so I thought, good enough reason to go out to dinner, leave the neighborhood, drink. Have some fun, right?  Well I did, I guess. The day was great.  Feathers threw a fun surprise shindig earlier in the day, I brunched, rested and had dinner with some fun and hot chicks. In the cab on my way there I was stuck in traffic, which I hate. It got me thinking about other things I hate. Not the healthiest thoughts on a bday, but whatever. I made a list in my phone to pass the time. Here it is. 

Things I hate:

Sitting in traffic

Guys who don't call 

When my feet hurt

Hair on the bathroom floor

When the fitted sheet comes up

Forgetting to dvr

Watching commercials

Itchy tags in clothing

Pushy salespeople 

Mosquitos

When the subway takes too long

- is overcrowded 

- air isn't working

- touching the poles

Being lost

Not knowing a plan

Cracked skin on my thumb

Liars

Bad hair days

When I feel like I have nothing to wear

People who go out to eat and are lame and don't want to share

Feeling like I'm going to miss a flight

Lines

Stinks 

Heavy rain when I have to be in it

Not finding a cab 

When the butter is too hard to spread

Hand jobs. (This was a late add. More on it in next post)

(FYI: this is now in my 'tell us about yourself' section on match.com.  I also put in Things I Like, so I don't seem like a total asshole. 

I can really go on and on with this list, but at the time I wanted to save phone battery. It was going to be a late night. 

After dinner we went to a "cool downtown bar". There were many nice looking men. Feathers was there, so we were talking to them no problem. Girl isn't shy. She walked up to one and said "it's my friend's birthday and she wants to make out with a handsome man" (this isn't true, I never said that. But, who doesn't want to make out with hot men? Still...)

So the guy (who was attractive) walks up and tried to kiss me. Not shy!  I said, "um, no way is this happening, slow down bud."  He was 41, lives very close to me, had a shaved head (which feathers kept touching and saying how it feels like a vag), never married, Italian, I really got a lot of info from him. My friend The Res was there and she is good at getting info. Anyhoo, he kept trying to make out, I kept saying no, but I will admit to kissing him at the bar- just no tongue, despite what the other girls say!  It was too crowded for me to do that, I have principals. He told me to call him. I said no, you can call me. He persisted on asking me to go back home to snuggle. Me, with my wise decisions said no. 

At this point feathers zeroed in on a cute 25 year old and chatted him up. It somehow came to be that feathers, 25yo, cute cousin of 25yo, and me leave and go to a gay bar across the street to meet up with the vag head guy. Vag head never showed, or did and left because the 4 of us were sitting and making out at the gay bar.  I should have left with the vag head. It was a real spectacal. I went to the bathroom at one point and feathers told the waiter, who also performs at the bar, that it was my birthday. So when I came out of the bathroom the drag queen in residence and the performing waiter sand happy birthday to me. I was completely embarrassed. 

Fast forward, we are in a cab, going back to to our apartments with respective guys. I feel like I am in high school (lie- college) as I write this. I bring cousin back to my place. I don't remember this fully, bc it was 4:30 and I was a little snickered, but, I think my night watchman (read: bum who sleeps in my building vestibule on cold nights) was on duty. 

So that's nice. I don't especially care, but if it was a different guy it could have been embarrassing. Oh well. 

Fast forward more, I made a mistake. I wish I didn't do it. But I did.  I really should have stuck with the vag guy, he was more quality. I was really nice though and didn't kick him out. This was another mistake bc now I have more laundry to do bc everything that was in proximity to this event is at the cleaners now $$. I'm a little obsessive with clean. It had to be done. I had to push him to get his ass up and out in the morning.  I literally shoved him in my bed and said "hi, I have a class to go to". He got the hint. Gave me his digits and said to text him, and he got out. I will never text him obviously. A one night stand has to be just that. The last time the guy called and took me out (this was before the HB blog) and it ruined the idea of a one nighter. So I'm not blowing this one. 

All in all, it was a great and successful birthday. Lets pray I didn't catch an unwanted gift from the cousin...

Cheesy old guy

 

Not one, but 3 TVs!  Score!

I was a little surprised to hear from old guy and have him ask me out again. He said to pick a night to go out for my birthday. I picked Tuesday but he changed it to Wed bc Tues he would be working late and couldn't meet until later and he's old, he has to go to bed by a certain time. 

Date 2: Mussels restaurant on the UES

Old guy asked if there was anything I didn't eat ahead of time. I said dairy. He picked this place. I was terrified. I should have said shellfish. I am not a big shellfish eater and it didn't occur to me to mention it when he asked if there was anything I didn't eat. I decided to be a trooper. I heard it was a great restaurant so I thought I'd just go for it. I am glad I did bc I loved it and will so go back. It should be noted that he used a joke about muscles/mussels more than once via text. Both before and after the date. I think he's trying to be hip and cool, but comes across as more weird and cheesy.  Especially to me, who is hard to please and is not a fan of cheese. 

He was a little late, but that was fine. The reservation wasn't until 9 (so late, but I am a party animal). We had a drink around the corner at a different bar first. The conversation was easy.  We went to eat at the restaurant. I was a little (lot) self conscious walking in with him bc I thought people at the restaurant probably think I'm with my dad. Or else they were thinking, why is she with that old dude?  I got over this quickly, but it still irked me. 

Had a good time choosing which pots of mussels to order. We ordered a lot of food (this is a HUGE positive for me). 2 pots, a salad, fries.  There were probably 50-60 mussels in all. The waiter explained that towards the end of the night they give more bc they have to get rid of them all each night. This seems like a great secret to keep about the place if you really like mussels. I will be going back late next time I eat there, thats for sure. 

After dinner we walked to his apartment.  His 'move' of getting me there was asking me if I wanted to watch the 12/12/12 concert?  I did so I went. He was telling me about his two tv system, which sounded end cool and it is. He has 2 big flat screens mounted on the wall side by side. Mostly for watching sports, it was cool. He has a nice place and a big terrace.  We watched the concert, made out. I felt weird the whole time bc I kept thinking he's old. I also kept thinking he could likely have a disease bc he's had wayyyy more time to catch one. Also, that he probably just wants to get in my pants and that made me feel dirty. Because of this I wouldn't let him take my shirt off.  I was adamant about this.  My reasoning was that I can still say I kept my clothes on (also bc I had just eaten a TON of mussels and was feeling pretty large and in charge).  He thought that was ridiculous but I don't care and told him that. 

The night was fun.  Around 11:30 I said I had to go home.  He was a real gentleman and walked me out to the corner to get a cab.  

He scored extra points by texting me some cheesy message the following day.  But again, I think his goal is to get in ma pants, and I am making that pretty difficult. He attempted a booty call the night before my bday by texting "hey bday girl, meet me later for a bday kiss?"  See, old guy is kinda cheesy. I shut that down right away and said I was out with friends (true) and will take a rain check. I'm no booty call. Pulease

He did call me on my birthday, I didn't answer. It was really nice of him to call though. He left a message and asked me out for Monday. I texted him back saying thanks and yes to Monday.  

Like I said, I'm not opening the black heart up any time soon. I know that sleeping with a guy can screw a girl up in the head so I am going to wait on this. I won't wait long I am sure. But as long as I can. The fact that I think that is his end goal also makes me want to keep 'em shut for now too.  

Unless its my birthday...  See next post

A blind double

 

It took me a while, too long, to get back in the swing of things after going out with the storm.  I was really unreasonably upset about not hearing from him. I still am. I would love to run into him and say WTF storm?  But I won't. I am sensing a patten though where I go on a few dates with guys and never hear from them again. I am trying to be really nice too. I try to be flirty via text (this is not at all natural for me).  I for sure was nice to storm, I even decided I liked him.That's why I am most upset. But I learned. My take away lesson was- dont like guys. Don't let them into my black heart until they really earn it. This will be no easy feat. It will require many meals, chivalry, being nice and putting up with my bs, and not expecting me to make any first moves. Bc I won't.

While I was back hime with my parents for Thanksgiving I had to tell them I hadn't heard from storm. Which was annoying, but my mom felt bad and signed me up for match.com so I came out ahead...  Match is like a fancy okcupid. It's fun, and sort of feels like online shopping, for men!  It can be a lot of work though. I try not to go on every day, it makes it more interesting when I do. One interetesting person I found on there is my ex. This was something I obsessed over when I saw. It required a night of Chinese delivery. I didnt click on his page bc he would see if I did, so Feathers did it :).   Flash forward me month- I sign on after not doing so for a week, and he just viewed my profile. What a f-er. Good thing I had frozen treats in my freezer (the food thing is becoming a maj problem). 

Now that I'm ready to 'get back out there again' Feathers convinced me to go on a double date with her. This was a blind date for me. She was going out with a guy (52 years old-we think) she met on match. He had met her out on Saturday with his friend.  Coincidentally she happened to know the friend. She said "hey old guy (this is the friend) you should go out with my awesome, beautiful, cool friend honey badger".  She had a date scheduled for Wed with her man, and he texted her that me, the HB should come and he would bring old guy and we can double. The reasons I agreed to go are:

1. Food. Duh

2. Drinks. Duh. 

3. I knew I wouldn't have to pay bc Feathers would never have that, plus they are old so they wouldn't make us pay

4. I knew it would make a great blog post

5.  Come on!  A double date with Feathers?!?!  It HAD to be good

It was.

Name: lets stick with "old guy"

Age: 48 (yeah, I know. Old as fuck. Plus, he could totally be lying and be way older)

Met: covered this already

Date 1: Local sushi joint. The bartender there knows our exact order. Old guy was impressed. 

Feathers and I arrived together, late.  My old guy was there already. Feathers' old guy was driving in from Long Beach and wouldn't arrive until later. Ran really late. We ordered drinks at the bar. Old guy was impressed the bartender knew our exact orders (is that impressive?  Or embarrassing?). We talked and eventually sat at a big booth bc Long Beach still was a bit away. We ordered a few appetizers and all talked. It was super weird bc it was a blind set up.  Thank god Feath was there to make things less awk.  Although, old guy really could hold his own and was perfectly normal and nice. 

Once Long Beach arrived the party started. We all ordered sushi and more drinks were coming. We were all in conversation. Feath  asked them. Both why they never married (we planned this ahead of time). They said they were never interested in it, and focused on their careers, plus spending 20+ years with someone freaked them out. Juveniles. I made fun of old guy for going on trips with a bunch of Jewish singles.  One of these trips is where Feath met him.  Long Beach doesn't go on them. Old guy was a hit with the ladies on these trips, although I'm not sure why bc he's old.  Anyways, he took me making fun of him well, which is super important. 

On the other side of the table Feath and Long Beach were sucking face. It was really funny. After the restaurant we went to our regular bar around the corner. We all hung out there. It wasn't crowded at all so it was very nice.  Feath and Long Beach kept making out. I went to the bathroom.  It's a small place so you can hear conversations I the bar while in the bathroom.  I heard Feath ask old guy where I was. She told him I must like him (not really true) bc I was still there. She said that I didn't like him I wouldn't have sat still for so long and probably would have left. Paints a nice portrait of me huh?  Anyways, it was funny to listen to that conversation. 

Eventually I kissed with old guy. We left the bar around 1, the other couple stayed later. He walked me home and we kissed some more by my place. I said good night

He texted me the next day to tell me he had fun. Of course he did. Of course he did.  

Lesson: A double with Feathers leads to lots of fun. Also, old men like young girls (I already knew this though). 

A storm on my heart

Hi all.  I bet you think I've become really boring and stopped dating. Not true at all. I did take a hiatus- not self imposed-for a while. Then went on a few dates. Stopped again, now I'm back. It's not always easy!  And only the weirdos write to me on the dating sites.  I don't think finding men is really the problem, it's finding normal guys that I like that is hard. Very hard. I know this is everyone's problem, but it's new to me. 

Here goes- this one will be short bc I am still really mad about the guy...

Name: Storm (because he stormed into my black heart and then right back out)

Age: 31 or 32

Met:  This was a set up months in the making. He is the brother of Co's husband's friend. They thought we'd be a good match. It took a while bc first he was traveling, then I was away for the summer, then he travelled more, then I got really sick, then there was a hurricane. Finally we were supposed to meet the night of the nor'easter. He gave me an out, saying we could reschedule but at this point I really wanted to meet him and said I would brave the storm, being the tough Midwestern gal that I am.

Date 1:  a wine and cheese bar,yeah, I know. Not the best choice for me but I scoped out the menu ahead of time and there were things I could eat.

We arrived at the same time.  I was pretty bundled up because of the storm, he was not dressed appropriately for the weather, but he's a guy so it makes it ok. I told him right away that I couldn't eat cheese.  He acted like he was ok with it (but I know really he loves cheese) and said I could have picked another place, but I was fine with the cheese spot. We ordered a bottle of wine and a few things off the menu without dairy.   

The date lasted a long time. We had so so much in common. He likes the same music as me (this was HUGE for me, not a lot of my friends have the same taste).  He knew all the smaller bands that I like, in fact he is a music nut and goes to concerts every week. He'd seen every band I named. He likes to cook, and eat out at new places, I like to eat out too!  He runs, he loves Game of Thrones, we have the same favorite author (not even sure how the author thing came up). He's successful, lawyer, lives in a cool neighborhood, owns a tv, close with his family. All the good stuff. We had a lot to talk about and I had a great time. I liked him right away. 

After the restaurant and making out on the street I couldn't find a cab, so he walked me home!  A mile in the nor'easter. Very chivalrous. It was amazing. We made out more outside my building and I went home. 

I heard from him the next day- which was awesome. But he was going to Vegas for a long weekend so I knew I wouldn't see him. We got intel from his brother that storm also thought the date went well and we had a ton in common.  I  wasn't really ready to open myself up to liking him, but I had a feeling I would soon.  This was fast for me.  I was excited. 

Date 2: a concert!

Yep, that's right. When storm got back from Vegas he texted me the next day that he scored last minute tickets to a concert and would I like to go?  The concert was that night. I had conferences the next day. I didn't have a ton of time to wrap my head around the idea but Feathers and Co both said GO!  So I did. We met at the concert hall at 9. I was nervous but game for a new experience. We got drinks, I was impressed that he was willing to go out, and to drink after a weekend in Vegas. 

The concert was great. We talked, listened, just a nice time. He kept putting his arm around me so I made a conscious decision to be nice and let it happen.  I also decided I liked him (big mistake) so I was cool with it. Although awkward, I was all girly and leaned against him and stuff. I feel weird even writing this. It was out of character for me, and warming up to someone, a guy, is not something I like to do. 

I did learn that he does not, and never has "eaten a sandwich". I asked this when other people at the concert we eating sandwiches around us. He didn't  ask if I did, but I could sense that it may develop into a potential problem. 

After the concert where I acted like a mushy girl (puke) he asked if I wanted to get a drink at a bar.  It was really late but I was into him and we were holding hands so I said yes. At the bar we talked more, found more we had in common.  Finally, at around 2:30/3 am we left. Made out a lot on the street and I got in a cab.  

I was in trouble. I liked a guy. After only two dates. I wasn't sure what to do. I was very upset with myself for liking someone so quickly. I texted him thank you for taking me to the concert the next day. This is something that as a rule I never do. But I liked this fool so I did it. He wrote back, I wrote again.

 I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!!

I don't understand. He told his bother the date was good. We had a great time. He made me think its ok to like him. He have so much in common. I feel like a foolish girl.

Here are some possible  reasons why I haven't heard from him:

He likes cheese too much and is disappointed I can't eat it

He thinks I'm too hefty

He fell off the face of the earth

He wanted to meet someone who shares no interests with him

He got back together with his catholic ex girlfriend 

He's a moron

He is intimidated by how cool I am

I don't know. I'm mad. I can't let it go. I wish he gave some indication of what the fuck happened. Oh well. 

I learned a lesson. My friends think the lesson I learned is that that are guys out there that could have the same interests as me and like the same music as me. That's not at all what I learned. Here's what I learned: don't like anyone so quickly. Make them wait a little before I really decide I  like them and open my heart up to them.  I am taking this very seriously. Stupid storm screwed with my head.  

Sorry for the angry post. This is also part of why I haven't written for so long. Many more coming now.  

more drinking, more okc

A sample Saturday night...

Some girlfriends and I have gotten into a routine for our Saturday nights.  We get dressed, casually.  Go to sushi, then go to the bar with the free candy.  Its a great plan and will likely happen again tonight, although we have been saying all week that we would change it up.  I doubt that will happen, its just so convenient, and the bar scene at the sushi place is hot.  Last week we went and Feathers struck up a convo with a guy (who is aware of this blog btw- so I have to be careful).  See?  Great bar scene.  Man, I wish he didn't know about the HB.  The night was looking to be a great one, we left sushi and went to the candy- with new guy in tow.  Sadly, candy bar was out of candy, what what WHAT?!?!  I had gotten the last blow pop, which really isn't a candy, its gum.  Gum and candy are totally different food categories.

Candy

Gum- pretending to be candy

I was sitting at the bar and feath came over to the guy next to me, she said "you're cute, she (me) is cute, you should talk."  So we did.  I found out he is 27 (of course), in school (of course) and we shared hobbies of watching television, drinking, and 'eating sandwiches'.  In fact, he had one made and suggested we go outside of the bar to eat it.  I was already getting drunk, and he possessed many of the traits I look for in a guy so I said yes.  He kept trying to make out with me at the bar so I was happy to walk outside to eat.  While outside, feath and new guy came out, they started making out by a fence and a friend we knew strolled along to the bar as all of this was happening.  It was quite a scene.  I kept fending off my new friend, I didn't want to make out with him.  We went back in the bar, he went to the bathroom and I bolted.  I still had my wits about me and knew I could make it home alone safely.  I bid feath and new guy adieu and jetted while 27 year old was in the bathroom.  I am very proud of myself for taking control of the situation.  So this is a typical night for us.  nice right?

Back to okcupid.  As I mentioned I have been getting a bit of attention (from many weird nerds) on there and agreed to meet some.  One guy liked the way I wrote with "elegance and wit" and suggested drinking a bottle of wine together right off the bat.  Also he's a rabbi, and owns a tv, how could I say no?

Name: Rabbi (duhh)
Age: 31
Date 1: same wine bar I went to with t-rex.  I was hoping they wouldn't remember me.

Rabbi is short.  He was dressed really nicely.  He is from Canada and is a rabbi at a synagogue in Halifax.  A cool metropolitan city on the northeast coast of Canada.  I learned this on the date.  I had SO many questions about being a rabbi, and how do you decide what type of rabbi to become, and where to go to rabbinical school, and how you can eat in a non-kosher wine bar and why did he chose to go to school in the US.  All sorts of stuff.  Rabbi was really interesting.  He loves to salsa dance and does it about twice a week, while sober.  He used to figure skate, has never eaten shellfish, only ate pork once in his life, is a big hockey fan, and he liked my big gold necklace (remember the Vespa guy?  this is a hit with the super Jews).

We ordered a bottle of wine, as promised, and a flatbread pizza.  I had to tell him about my allergy but figured it was fine bc we couldn't get milk and meat on the pizza anyways.  He didn't care.  He asked me a lot of questions too.  He asked about my grandparents, and if I was close with them (this seems like a very rabbi-ish question to ask), asked about my Jewish upbringing, another rabbi question.  I didn't tell him that I don't regularly go to synagogue on the high holidays (or ever) or that I came up with the great name of this blog while sitting in services while thinking about how I looked a little too skank for shul, or that I love pork and shrimp and would totally eat a cheeseburger if I could.
I actually had a really good time on the date.  We never ran out of conversation.  I let him touch my knee a few times, he smelled nice.
After the date (2 hours, my max) he walked me home.  He lives one block away from me.  Not about a block or close by, he lives pretty much around the corner, and frequents some of the same spots I do.  This is not a particularly good thing.  We kissed a little outside my building and I went home.  He texted me later that I was a delight.  This was nice to hear since I felt like a cow.  I am not totally feeling rabbi, but i would go out with him again just because he is interesting.  I have no intention of ever moving to Canada, or becoming a religious Jew who regularly goes to services so I don't think it would ever work out.

Rabbi texted me the day after our date to ask if I wanted to watch the baseball game.  I did, but not with him, not the next day.  That was too soon for me but it was nice of him to ask and I thought it was cute that he took the risk of asking me out again so soon.  I haven't heard from him since, which is ok, but now I am afraid to walk down his block or that I will see him out while on one of my many trysts with the men I meet.  not very kosher.

You probably noticed- I figured out how to add pictures to this thing. game changer.  

okC- not so hot

So jury duty only lasted one day- I was dismissed because I have to much compassion and wouldn't have been able to fairly decide on a case involving an old lady in a taxi accident.  Also, I think the lawyers thought I asked too many questions.  This was good because I didn't want to be picked for  a case that took me out of work for a few days, bad because I did enjoy doing nothing and again, fell behind on my HB.  In other news- my computer has been out of commission for the past few months.  Sisters hubby, a genius in the tech field (in many other areas too, except his college sports allegiance) hooked me up with a system that allows me to use it again.  He is amazing.  I can now post more often, which may have been one of the reasons he helped me.  He reads this and provides very insightful feedback.

Over the past few weeks I have been blowing up on ok cupid.  I went on two dates, and am thinking about going on others.  These guys pay!  The dates are also great practice for my dating skills, and who knows, one day I may meet a guy on there who is the right guy.  Doubtful, but who knows.

Name: t-rex (because he had short arms, like a t-rex!)  Someone suggested this name to me and I loved it so thank you.
Age: profile says 34, but I think he's more like 38.  Or he ages REALLY badly.
Date 1: Wine bar 2 blocks from my place.  Yeahyea!
The date was arranged over text.  Seems like phone calls are a thing of the past.  I was dreading this date because
1. He has stupid looking hair in his profile pics
2. He seemed like a huge nerd
3. I (or rather a friend with access to my account) contacted him on okC.  After this date I decided I am only going out with the guys who contact me.  It shows that they have some confidence, which is important when dating someone like me,
4. I had girlfriends who went out that night and would have way rather gone with them.

I went anyways.  He was running late which was good news because I was too.  However, he walked there.  This made no sense to me because he lives a mile and a half away and it was really humid out and he was running late, so why not get in a cab?
I got there first and yikes! I knew someone at the bar.  It was a woman I know though my professional (hah) life.  She is totally awesome though and I told her I was meeting a guy there from a website and that it was all my friends fault for setting it up.  She thought it was hilarious and had also been on blind dates at the same bar.  She promised to pretend she didn't know me when he came in.  This didn't end up being a problem though bc he was so late that she left before he arrived.  i was thinking about doing the same.

t-rex was so nervous!  The date lasted 2 hours, 2 glasses of wine each and bruschetta.  I think he wanted to touch my hands or arms, i could just tell.  So I sat with my arms folded, i wasn't having any of that.  I knew right away that this would be a one date guy, but I stuck the date out becauseI am so polite and wanted a drink.  The conversations wasn't horrible, but it was boring and because I wasn't interested in him I didn't care about what he had to say. Plus, his little t-rex arms kept throwing me.  After two hours were up I said I had to go home, he asked for the bill and took it immediately and paid.  No questions asked.  This part I really liked.  

The servers at this bar were excellent. I am sure there are a lot of blind dates that happen there and they knew exactly how to approach the table without making things awkward.  I remember when I used to go out and see dates at bars and could always tell if it was a first date, and how uncomfortable the people looked and probably felt.  Being on the other side of that now sucks because I know there are other people at the bar like me, looking at my date and judging.  Its a weird feeling.

At the end of the date t-rex asked if I would like to go out again.  Way to put a girl on the spot.  I said yes because I felt bad, but really had no intention of ever seeing him again.  He texted me the next day suggesting we meet up next week.  Then he called and left a message a few days later.  I haven't responded.  Mean I know, but t-rex is really bad at reading body language.  I didn't kiss him after the date and feathers says that if a date is good, it always ends with a kiss. She should teach class.  He also did not ask to walk me home, thank god, because I wasn't going home.  I went straight to 16 handles and got sugared up.

Still workin it, just more sporadic

Long time, no update. And there's lots to say.

This is the problem with a full time job. Over the summer I was free
to date and write away. Now I just want to eat and drink and be lazy
with my DVR. I am trying to get back in the swing of things, and I
have been on a few interesting dates. Today and tomorrow I have jury
duty so I have the chance to catch up on important things, like the
HB!  I do think its worth noting that I did try to look somewhat ok
today bc I am in a courthouse and you never know who you will meet.
Meanwhile, there is a large woman, with mighty large breasts hanging
out reading 50 Shades right next to me.

Name: Buddha
Date 2: well...not really sure it was a date. Seems the Buddha has
about zero game.
The plan was to see a documentary movie. He asked if I was interested
in going, I was but was going back home to meet my two new favorite
people for the first time ever, E and B.  I love them.
Then I didn't hear from him. I think he thought I was blowing him off
which wasn't the case at all. It seems like guys get this impression
from me. I think they all need to grow some balls.
After a week, I texted him and he asked again about the movie. We made
a plan.  I met him at the theater on a Sunday afternoon. We were going
to get coffee first. When I met him it was raining, but not too badly.
We went up to the booth to buy tickets. He went first, and bought one
ticket. Yep. One. Didn't pay for me. So I bought mine, then we went to
coffee and I went first.  I bought for myself. Seriously uncool. This
is why I am not sure if it was a date, it was very bizarre. If he
thought it was a date and didn't buy me a movie ticket and coffee,
this is clearly not the man for me. Also, I think he's too smart for
me.  He goes to intellectual movies, I see movies about girls who
start sex lines. He reads books, I read blogs.  I watch a lot of tv,
he does not. I am no dummy, but he projects a much higher intelligence
than me, and I can't keep up. I am good at pretending though.
The movie was good, depressing, but good. We sat in the theater and
talked about it for a little bit after. Then we went to the subway to
go home.  There was a weird moment where I think he didn't know
whether or not to kiss me. He didn't.
I spent the subway ride wondering what just happened. If it was a
friends thing, that's fine, but then he sent a text saying we should
meet in Brooklyn next time. No way I'm traveling to Brooklyn to pay
for another coffee. Feed me food, pay for it and act like its a date
dammit. A few days after he asked what I was doing, that evening (way
to give a girl some time to prepare bud). Sister and BIL were coming
in town that night, I guess Buddha has a poor memory bc I did tell him
that. He said he forgot. Whatever. I haven't heard from him since. I
could have said "sister and BIL are coming tonight, but I'm free later
this week". But I did not. He can take the lead and ask me out again
if he wants. I'll likely see him in Nov when friends are in town, so
we'll see what happens there.

When relaying my date to friends, I asked, what is it about me that
make guys not pay for me?  Co said "maybe they think you are
independently wealthy". I thought this was hilarious. Clearly not the
case, but it certainly seems to be a trend with the men I choose.
It's so lame and totally counters my whole plan to get free food and
drinks.
Ok. Next.

Name: Rock Climber
This is not a date, but a phone call.   I mentioned in a past post
that he called and left a message.    I left one back. He took a while
but finally called me back. I was a little drunk when he called, and I
picked up. I was so curious about what he had to say.

Right away he asked if I had gotten a bike for a bike race I was
planning on doing. He clearly had this planned to say to break the ice
bc it was such a random thing to ask.  We chatted about a bunch of
stupid stuff for a while. He asked how my summer was and commented
that I was away for a long time. It was really only a month, but I
think that's why he stopped corresponding with me. I think it's pretty
immature. He knew I had the trip planned, he could have easily stayed
in touch. Again, grow some balls.

Then he told me he moved out of his place. I thought to myself, yay,
no more roommate. Maybe he even got himself a tv. Nope. Guess where he
moved. Guess.

In with his parents!

I can't even make this stuff up. It's amazing. He said its closer to
where he was doing rotation, and how he can't wait to be done and move
and how he's already getting recruited. But seriously. He is 38. He
lives with mom and dad. I knew they were close and he visited them
more than most grown men would visit their parents, but now he lives
with them. I acted like it didn't matter, but it definitely does.
Then, he asked if I wanted to take a yoga class with him the next day.
He had a one month membership to a yoga studio, which happens to be
the yoga studio I go to when I (very, very rarely) do yoga. He said he
had a bunch of free passes for me to use.

So lets get this straight.
He doesn't contact me for 3 months.
He calls and tells me he moved in with his parents.
He wants to take me to a free yoga class. The next day.

Is he kidding?  I obv said no, I had plans. I could take a free yoga
class on my own, plus after being MIA for so long, he really should
take me on a real date. Then he asked me to hang out that Saturday
afternoon (he was watching his nieces on Sat night ). Too bad, I had
plans.
During the conversation he did say "I guess you were surprised to hear
from me."   Duh. Yes. I said what's that's all about?  He said "I
don't know. I kept thinking about you."  Of course he did.  What a
moron. I haven't heard from him since and doubt I will. I'm sure he
thinks I don't like him, as that's what he thought after all our other
dates, but this time he's right!

Drinking is Good

This is a combination of a few random nights out.  No dates, just a lot of drinking

While out on one of these evenings Feathers and I came up with what I think is a genius idea. Relationship rings for men.
I guess it doesn't have to be a ring, but some symbol a man in a relationship wears to let the single women at the bar know "hands off". This could be really helpful on both ends. I won't waste my time and the gf doesnt have to worry about people like me hitting on their men.  We meet a lot of men out, only to find that they are taken. This annoys me so much. Unless they buy me a drink anyways, which I always accept.  At least a vodka soda makes wasting my time more enjoyable because I'm still getting drunk.  Luckily we found a few of these generous guys last week.  Two of them were actually a lot of fun to talk to. I clearly didn't give a fuck about talking about anything on my mind, what does HB have to lose?  Some topics of convo: they asked me how to get their ladies to give a better bj without offending them. I asked about pube hair preference (this is a fav topic of mine). We discussed what is a bigger deal, mouth or privates sex.  Among other things...
Side note- while getting waxed before my trip back to MI I asked my waxer what was normal.  She said there is no normal and she would see what she thought looked good on me. I thought "Seriously?  How do you determine that?"  Do some styles make you look thinner bc that's obv what I wanted.  I am not sure I love what she did but I'll live with it for now. I actually bought a package at the waxing salon bc it was cheaper and I figure I have to keep up appearances these days bc you never know...
Back to story. Ok. So these guys were great. Taken, but very fun and bought me drinks so I had a great time.  They wanted to set me up with their friend but the guy was 25, that's just too young. Even though he reportedly has a big weiner and is a doctor. I have SOME standards, no more of the young'uns.
I should mention that we met these guys after going out to a singles event. This was my first official singles event and I hated it as soon as we walked into the bar. The crowd was mostly chicks and young Asian men. My friends and I were approached by a 25 yo Asian boy and the lesbian owner of the bar (who gave us shots of tequila so it was ok). The event was not successful for us, however it was funny to watch everyone there and to send Feathers over to talk to the ones I thought were cute, of course they were all young.  So that was the night, young guys and relationship guys. Thank god for alcohol.
Flash forward two nights and we were back out meeting creepers. I met one who was real nerdy but did buy me a drink and did text me to ask me out the next day, I'm not responding back to him though. I drank a lot at the bar and when it was time to leave he gave my friends a hard time about me leaving, saying how he would walk me home. We know I'll go home with pretty much anyone so I am glad they were there to drag me out. We went to another bar where I met another creep to talk to and again was escorted by my girlfriends out (this was all after eating fries, burger, chicken fingers, candy at 3am. I need food rehab)  I always have in my head that I should go out alone one night and sit at a bar for dinner and a drink and possibly will meet someone that way but it isn't looking like that's the best plan for me. I need my girls there to watch me.


Thats about it for now.  Its been a boring month.  However, RC called and left a message at 10:30pm on Saturday.  What do you think that was all about?  We have a few ideas..booty call?  He was seeing someone and now is single?  He's a douche?  He was drunk and saw my name in his phone?  Who knows.  I called back and left a vm on Monday.  I wan to ask what the hell happened, and I will if I get the chance.  I want to be the one blowing guys off, NOT the other way around.  HB doesn't like that.

revisiting G

Sometimes I think I do things just so I have something to write about.  This is what I was thinking as I drove to my sisters house on her birthday.  She lives near G and I was making an impromptu trip to MI, so I let him know I would be in the neighborhood.  I texted him about my upcoming trip, he had his daughter for the weekend so said we would only be able to "hang out" after she went to bed.  So I knew where it was going.  Still, I was game.  Anything for a story.  I let him know what time I would be over while I waited for the plane to take off.   

Name: G

Date 3: His house (Who am I kidding, this was in no way a date.  Let's call it what it was, a booty call)

I didn't even or change my clothes or shower first.  I showered that morning, which I think is good enough and dressed knowing what my evening had in store.  After celebrating (briefly) with sister and friends I drove over for my booty call.  I want to note that I was oddly proud for arranging my first booty call.  G was just as fun as when I had first met him 2 weeks prior.  We talked on the couch for a while, he was clearly exhausted from his day with his daughter.  We got down to business pretty quickly.  Same as last time, nothing too noteworthy there.  

After, as I sat around in my thong- upgrade from full nudity, we ate some fresh fruit and talked some more.  I made it clear that this type of behavior was highly unusual for me.  I think he was a little put off by this.  I kept saying how I am not slutty and I don't do this type of thing.  He asked if I felt guilty about it.  Of course I didn't feel guilty, I initiated the whole thing, but I didn't want him to think it was typical.  I like to be wined and dined before I get naked.  It doesn't usually happen in this order for me, but I still would like it to!  I am well aware that I am sending the wrong message to these guys.  My bro-in-law did point out that girls who tell guys they are not sluts, usual are.  Funny thing is, while talking to G on the couch we had a whole conversation about this (super super SUPER) slutty girl who I used to know.  He did not know about this girl's history of sleeping with many men and he liked her, even though she has a bf now.  I don't think he liked learning of her past behavior.  Whatever.  I don't like her.  Leave it at that.  

Since this booty call I haven't heard from G.  This makes me think either 

a) he thinks I'm a total slut and is not into that

b) is ashamed of his performance

c) is not happy I dissed the girl he liked

It looks like I will not be making more booty calls to G.  Which is ok seeing as I don't live in MI, he has too much going on in his life, and he doesn't drink.  Which is a big part of my existence.  It wasn't going to go anywhere, but was fun for a short while.  

A new friend in Michigan

I have come to the realization that I like to take my clothes off. For

someone with so many body issues I guess it's kinda weird. But it

keeps happening, and I don’t really stop it. I  should though. Or

is it normal to do that?  I don't even know. I take them off pretty

quickly too...

As I was celibate for most of August, bc no men to be found, I was

shocked to meet someone cool THE SATURDAY BEFORE I LEFT!

Name: G

Age: 38

Met:

I was in downtown Detroit with my dad, his gf, his two friends and

their wives. That's how I roll. My sister texted me that she has a guy

for me to meet and to come see her. Well, I didn't have a car so that

was not possible.  Sister was with her bestie who knew G.  I love this

girl and checked to make sure she was not interested before I got any

further.  Sister assured me he was normal, and funny. I checked out

his fb and he looked 'aight so I gave her the go ahead.  He texted me

not long after. He was funny. Asked me to meet up over the weekend. We

set a coffee date the next day. 

Date 1: coffee, in Royal Oak.

 I drove to meet him bc there was a lot going on in RO that weekend

and it is an all around cooler place to meet than near me. There

wasn't even a discussion about this, bc it is a fact.

He was a gentleman before I even met him. I was driving there and he

called me to say he forgot about the parking situation, it might be

hard to find a spot. I had already secured a spot at my sister’s house

so I was set. But it was so nice of him to think about that.

I walked from her place. It took longer than I thought bc the maps app

makes things look waaaay closer than they really are. He was sitting

outside with what he described to me as "a long skateboard". I of

course knew it was a longboard (see date 1 with RC, that loser). G was

impressed.

G is tall, 6'3", has a good job, owns a house which he lives in,

alone, owns a nice tv, a car, sounds pretty good, right?  He has a bit

of baggage too though, far from perfect.

Coffee convo was great right away. He is funny, interesting, sarcastic

(very important for me). He even paid for my coffee. We were having a

good time. He asked if I was hungry, duh, yes, always. So we went to

the festival going on a block away.  He bought my ticket! I am easily

impressed.

We walked around and talked. He is divorced too.  We talked about what

it was like to get and be divorced, and dating. It was a very open and

honest conversation and I loved it. We had pulled pork sandwiches,

yum, he paid. Then smoothies (dairy free, we had already covered that

topic), he paid, again!  I didn't even need a wallet!  Anyways, all

was going swell. We walked around and talked a ton, I mean seriously

had a great time.  We walked back to his house. I attempted to go on

the longboard. I failed.

His house is really nice.  We sat and talked for a while, about

everything, including: Ryan Gosling, G's poor taste in music, his

daughter, yep (7 years old), our marriages, our ex's, travel, family,

food, Michigan.  

Then we made out.  After doing that for a while he said he wasn't sure

what to do next. He could (and wanted to)  invite me upstairs, but he

wasn’t that type of guy, I said I am trying not to be that type of girl

(lie).  He said I should come back to RO later to meet up. There was a

free concert at the festival. I wasn't sure how genuine his invite

was, but I had nothing else going on so I said I probably would. He

drove me back to my car bc it looked like a long walk when we looked

up how I could get back. I went home. He texted me that I should come

meet him later that night. That meant another shower, clean clothing.  Still, worth it.

I was going.

Date 2: new clothes= new date.

I met him near the concert, he had left bc it was way too crowded. We

went to a bar for a drink.  Sat there and after one drink decided it

was too loud so we left and went to another bar. He is still paying

for all of this btw. At second bar some peeps he knew starting coming

in and it might have been a scene. We left. 
We walked around and talked a bit. I told him about the young guys I

went on dates with, he told me about the girls he's dated. It was

really fun to talk about this with him. We walked back to his place.

He put on music. I asked if it was seduction music. And did he have

mood lighting too. He had dimmers, close enough.

Oh. We also talked about blogs and his ex has one, as does her

boyfriend. I don't think he's a fan of them. So that's good news for

me.

We started making out again. I stopped him from taking my pants off. I

decided I should not have sex again so quickly or easily.  He

respected that. During all of this we continued to talk about making

out with other people and that getting a disease was really scary. He

was tested, twice. I think he gets around.  I said that herpes was my

biggest fear, his is AIDS. I told him that's ridiculous, herpes is

much more prevalent and that he needs to be concerned about it. AIDS

is not on my radar, maybe it should be?

My pants did eventually come off.  However, we did not have sex (with

our privates).

After... I said I was going to sleep at my own house. He asked if I

was hungry, maybe pizza? I reiterated that yes, I am always hungry. It

is a constant in my life.  He drove us to get pizza, I ordered mine

with no cheese and it was delish. Yes, he paid!  While at the pizzeria

a bunch of skanky looking girls came in.  G said those types of girls

never talk to him. I said that if he was trying to avoid disease, then

it's probably a good thing because they most likely all had herpes. He

then said, "there's this one Jewish girl who dresses like that". I

knew exactly who he meant too. 

After pizza he drove me back to my car. I certainly did not predict my

day going that way when I woke up. What a surprise. The next day I did

hear from him. He asked me to come hang out again (um, booty call?). I

totally would have but it was my last night and I had to pack.  He

again complimented me on my awesomeness (interpret that however you'd

like).

I know G is not looking for anything serious and I am not really

either, at least not in MI, not yet. So it was perfect. I have someone

to hang out with while I am home and it's a good time. It's too bad we

didn't meet earlier in the month. But who knows how it would have

gone.  I will stay in touch with this one. It turns out some people DO

casually date in MI.  Yes!