Birthday one nighter

(Not with the old guy, relax)

It was my birthday. This year it fell on a Saturday so I thought, good enough reason to go out to dinner, leave the neighborhood, drink. Have some fun, right?  Well I did, I guess. The day was great.  Feathers threw a fun surprise shindig earlier in the day, I brunched, rested and had dinner with some fun and hot chicks. In the cab on my way there I was stuck in traffic, which I hate. It got me thinking about other things I hate. Not the healthiest thoughts on a bday, but whatever. I made a list in my phone to pass the time. Here it is. 

Things I hate:

Sitting in traffic

Guys who don't call 

When my feet hurt

Hair on the bathroom floor

When the fitted sheet comes up

Forgetting to dvr

Watching commercials

Itchy tags in clothing

Pushy salespeople 

Mosquitos

When the subway takes too long

- is overcrowded 

- air isn't working

- touching the poles

Being lost

Not knowing a plan

Cracked skin on my thumb

Liars

Bad hair days

When I feel like I have nothing to wear

People who go out to eat and are lame and don't want to share

Feeling like I'm going to miss a flight

Lines

Stinks 

Heavy rain when I have to be in it

Not finding a cab 

When the butter is too hard to spread

Hand jobs. (This was a late add. More on it in next post)

(FYI: this is now in my 'tell us about yourself' section on match.com.  I also put in Things I Like, so I don't seem like a total asshole. 

I can really go on and on with this list, but at the time I wanted to save phone battery. It was going to be a late night. 

After dinner we went to a "cool downtown bar". There were many nice looking men. Feathers was there, so we were talking to them no problem. Girl isn't shy. She walked up to one and said "it's my friend's birthday and she wants to make out with a handsome man" (this isn't true, I never said that. But, who doesn't want to make out with hot men? Still...)

So the guy (who was attractive) walks up and tried to kiss me. Not shy!  I said, "um, no way is this happening, slow down bud."  He was 41, lives very close to me, had a shaved head (which feathers kept touching and saying how it feels like a vag), never married, Italian, I really got a lot of info from him. My friend The Res was there and she is good at getting info. Anyhoo, he kept trying to make out, I kept saying no, but I will admit to kissing him at the bar- just no tongue, despite what the other girls say!  It was too crowded for me to do that, I have principals. He told me to call him. I said no, you can call me. He persisted on asking me to go back home to snuggle. Me, with my wise decisions said no. 

At this point feathers zeroed in on a cute 25 year old and chatted him up. It somehow came to be that feathers, 25yo, cute cousin of 25yo, and me leave and go to a gay bar across the street to meet up with the vag head guy. Vag head never showed, or did and left because the 4 of us were sitting and making out at the gay bar.  I should have left with the vag head. It was a real spectacal. I went to the bathroom at one point and feathers told the waiter, who also performs at the bar, that it was my birthday. So when I came out of the bathroom the drag queen in residence and the performing waiter sand happy birthday to me. I was completely embarrassed. 

Fast forward, we are in a cab, going back to to our apartments with respective guys. I feel like I am in high school (lie- college) as I write this. I bring cousin back to my place. I don't remember this fully, bc it was 4:30 and I was a little snickered, but, I think my night watchman (read: bum who sleeps in my building vestibule on cold nights) was on duty. 

So that's nice. I don't especially care, but if it was a different guy it could have been embarrassing. Oh well. 

Fast forward more, I made a mistake. I wish I didn't do it. But I did.  I really should have stuck with the vag guy, he was more quality. I was really nice though and didn't kick him out. This was another mistake bc now I have more laundry to do bc everything that was in proximity to this event is at the cleaners now $$. I'm a little obsessive with clean. It had to be done. I had to push him to get his ass up and out in the morning.  I literally shoved him in my bed and said "hi, I have a class to go to". He got the hint. Gave me his digits and said to text him, and he got out. I will never text him obviously. A one night stand has to be just that. The last time the guy called and took me out (this was before the HB blog) and it ruined the idea of a one nighter. So I'm not blowing this one. 

All in all, it was a great and successful birthday. Lets pray I didn't catch an unwanted gift from the cousin...