Birthday one nighter

(Not with the old guy, relax)

It was my birthday. This year it fell on a Saturday so I thought, good enough reason to go out to dinner, leave the neighborhood, drink. Have some fun, right?  Well I did, I guess. The day was great.  Feathers threw a fun surprise shindig earlier in the day, I brunched, rested and had dinner with some fun and hot chicks. In the cab on my way there I was stuck in traffic, which I hate. It got me thinking about other things I hate. Not the healthiest thoughts on a bday, but whatever. I made a list in my phone to pass the time. Here it is. 

Things I hate:

Sitting in traffic

Guys who don't call 

When my feet hurt

Hair on the bathroom floor

When the fitted sheet comes up

Forgetting to dvr

Watching commercials

Itchy tags in clothing

Pushy salespeople 

Mosquitos

When the subway takes too long

- is overcrowded 

- air isn't working

- touching the poles

Being lost

Not knowing a plan

Cracked skin on my thumb

Liars

Bad hair days

When I feel like I have nothing to wear

People who go out to eat and are lame and don't want to share

Feeling like I'm going to miss a flight

Lines

Stinks 

Heavy rain when I have to be in it

Not finding a cab 

When the butter is too hard to spread

Hand jobs. (This was a late add. More on it in next post)

(FYI: this is now in my 'tell us about yourself' section on match.com.  I also put in Things I Like, so I don't seem like a total asshole. 

I can really go on and on with this list, but at the time I wanted to save phone battery. It was going to be a late night. 

After dinner we went to a "cool downtown bar". There were many nice looking men. Feathers was there, so we were talking to them no problem. Girl isn't shy. She walked up to one and said "it's my friend's birthday and she wants to make out with a handsome man" (this isn't true, I never said that. But, who doesn't want to make out with hot men? Still...)

So the guy (who was attractive) walks up and tried to kiss me. Not shy!  I said, "um, no way is this happening, slow down bud."  He was 41, lives very close to me, had a shaved head (which feathers kept touching and saying how it feels like a vag), never married, Italian, I really got a lot of info from him. My friend The Res was there and she is good at getting info. Anyhoo, he kept trying to make out, I kept saying no, but I will admit to kissing him at the bar- just no tongue, despite what the other girls say!  It was too crowded for me to do that, I have principals. He told me to call him. I said no, you can call me. He persisted on asking me to go back home to snuggle. Me, with my wise decisions said no. 

At this point feathers zeroed in on a cute 25 year old and chatted him up. It somehow came to be that feathers, 25yo, cute cousin of 25yo, and me leave and go to a gay bar across the street to meet up with the vag head guy. Vag head never showed, or did and left because the 4 of us were sitting and making out at the gay bar.  I should have left with the vag head. It was a real spectacal. I went to the bathroom at one point and feathers told the waiter, who also performs at the bar, that it was my birthday. So when I came out of the bathroom the drag queen in residence and the performing waiter sand happy birthday to me. I was completely embarrassed. 

Fast forward, we are in a cab, going back to to our apartments with respective guys. I feel like I am in high school (lie- college) as I write this. I bring cousin back to my place. I don't remember this fully, bc it was 4:30 and I was a little snickered, but, I think my night watchman (read: bum who sleeps in my building vestibule on cold nights) was on duty. 

So that's nice. I don't especially care, but if it was a different guy it could have been embarrassing. Oh well. 

Fast forward more, I made a mistake. I wish I didn't do it. But I did.  I really should have stuck with the vag guy, he was more quality. I was really nice though and didn't kick him out. This was another mistake bc now I have more laundry to do bc everything that was in proximity to this event is at the cleaners now $$. I'm a little obsessive with clean. It had to be done. I had to push him to get his ass up and out in the morning.  I literally shoved him in my bed and said "hi, I have a class to go to". He got the hint. Gave me his digits and said to text him, and he got out. I will never text him obviously. A one night stand has to be just that. The last time the guy called and took me out (this was before the HB blog) and it ruined the idea of a one nighter. So I'm not blowing this one. 

All in all, it was a great and successful birthday. Lets pray I didn't catch an unwanted gift from the cousin...

Cheesy old guy

 

Not one, but 3 TVs!  Score!

I was a little surprised to hear from old guy and have him ask me out again. He said to pick a night to go out for my birthday. I picked Tuesday but he changed it to Wed bc Tues he would be working late and couldn't meet until later and he's old, he has to go to bed by a certain time. 

Date 2: Mussels restaurant on the UES

Old guy asked if there was anything I didn't eat ahead of time. I said dairy. He picked this place. I was terrified. I should have said shellfish. I am not a big shellfish eater and it didn't occur to me to mention it when he asked if there was anything I didn't eat. I decided to be a trooper. I heard it was a great restaurant so I thought I'd just go for it. I am glad I did bc I loved it and will so go back. It should be noted that he used a joke about muscles/mussels more than once via text. Both before and after the date. I think he's trying to be hip and cool, but comes across as more weird and cheesy.  Especially to me, who is hard to please and is not a fan of cheese. 

He was a little late, but that was fine. The reservation wasn't until 9 (so late, but I am a party animal). We had a drink around the corner at a different bar first. The conversation was easy.  We went to eat at the restaurant. I was a little (lot) self conscious walking in with him bc I thought people at the restaurant probably think I'm with my dad. Or else they were thinking, why is she with that old dude?  I got over this quickly, but it still irked me. 

Had a good time choosing which pots of mussels to order. We ordered a lot of food (this is a HUGE positive for me). 2 pots, a salad, fries.  There were probably 50-60 mussels in all. The waiter explained that towards the end of the night they give more bc they have to get rid of them all each night. This seems like a great secret to keep about the place if you really like mussels. I will be going back late next time I eat there, thats for sure. 

After dinner we walked to his apartment.  His 'move' of getting me there was asking me if I wanted to watch the 12/12/12 concert?  I did so I went. He was telling me about his two tv system, which sounded end cool and it is. He has 2 big flat screens mounted on the wall side by side. Mostly for watching sports, it was cool. He has a nice place and a big terrace.  We watched the concert, made out. I felt weird the whole time bc I kept thinking he's old. I also kept thinking he could likely have a disease bc he's had wayyyy more time to catch one. Also, that he probably just wants to get in my pants and that made me feel dirty. Because of this I wouldn't let him take my shirt off.  I was adamant about this.  My reasoning was that I can still say I kept my clothes on (also bc I had just eaten a TON of mussels and was feeling pretty large and in charge).  He thought that was ridiculous but I don't care and told him that. 

The night was fun.  Around 11:30 I said I had to go home.  He was a real gentleman and walked me out to the corner to get a cab.  

He scored extra points by texting me some cheesy message the following day.  But again, I think his goal is to get in ma pants, and I am making that pretty difficult. He attempted a booty call the night before my bday by texting "hey bday girl, meet me later for a bday kiss?"  See, old guy is kinda cheesy. I shut that down right away and said I was out with friends (true) and will take a rain check. I'm no booty call. Pulease

He did call me on my birthday, I didn't answer. It was really nice of him to call though. He left a message and asked me out for Monday. I texted him back saying thanks and yes to Monday.  

Like I said, I'm not opening the black heart up any time soon. I know that sleeping with a guy can screw a girl up in the head so I am going to wait on this. I won't wait long I am sure. But as long as I can. The fact that I think that is his end goal also makes me want to keep 'em shut for now too.  

Unless its my birthday...  See next post

A blind double

 

It took me a while, too long, to get back in the swing of things after going out with the storm.  I was really unreasonably upset about not hearing from him. I still am. I would love to run into him and say WTF storm?  But I won't. I am sensing a patten though where I go on a few dates with guys and never hear from them again. I am trying to be really nice too. I try to be flirty via text (this is not at all natural for me).  I for sure was nice to storm, I even decided I liked him.That's why I am most upset. But I learned. My take away lesson was- dont like guys. Don't let them into my black heart until they really earn it. This will be no easy feat. It will require many meals, chivalry, being nice and putting up with my bs, and not expecting me to make any first moves. Bc I won't.

While I was back hime with my parents for Thanksgiving I had to tell them I hadn't heard from storm. Which was annoying, but my mom felt bad and signed me up for match.com so I came out ahead...  Match is like a fancy okcupid. It's fun, and sort of feels like online shopping, for men!  It can be a lot of work though. I try not to go on every day, it makes it more interesting when I do. One interetesting person I found on there is my ex. This was something I obsessed over when I saw. It required a night of Chinese delivery. I didnt click on his page bc he would see if I did, so Feathers did it :).   Flash forward me month- I sign on after not doing so for a week, and he just viewed my profile. What a f-er. Good thing I had frozen treats in my freezer (the food thing is becoming a maj problem). 

Now that I'm ready to 'get back out there again' Feathers convinced me to go on a double date with her. This was a blind date for me. She was going out with a guy (52 years old-we think) she met on match. He had met her out on Saturday with his friend.  Coincidentally she happened to know the friend. She said "hey old guy (this is the friend) you should go out with my awesome, beautiful, cool friend honey badger".  She had a date scheduled for Wed with her man, and he texted her that me, the HB should come and he would bring old guy and we can double. The reasons I agreed to go are:

1. Food. Duh

2. Drinks. Duh. 

3. I knew I wouldn't have to pay bc Feathers would never have that, plus they are old so they wouldn't make us pay

4. I knew it would make a great blog post

5.  Come on!  A double date with Feathers?!?!  It HAD to be good

It was.

Name: lets stick with "old guy"

Age: 48 (yeah, I know. Old as fuck. Plus, he could totally be lying and be way older)

Met: covered this already

Date 1: Local sushi joint. The bartender there knows our exact order. Old guy was impressed. 

Feathers and I arrived together, late.  My old guy was there already. Feathers' old guy was driving in from Long Beach and wouldn't arrive until later. Ran really late. We ordered drinks at the bar. Old guy was impressed the bartender knew our exact orders (is that impressive?  Or embarrassing?). We talked and eventually sat at a big booth bc Long Beach still was a bit away. We ordered a few appetizers and all talked. It was super weird bc it was a blind set up.  Thank god Feath was there to make things less awk.  Although, old guy really could hold his own and was perfectly normal and nice. 

Once Long Beach arrived the party started. We all ordered sushi and more drinks were coming. We were all in conversation. Feath  asked them. Both why they never married (we planned this ahead of time). They said they were never interested in it, and focused on their careers, plus spending 20+ years with someone freaked them out. Juveniles. I made fun of old guy for going on trips with a bunch of Jewish singles.  One of these trips is where Feath met him.  Long Beach doesn't go on them. Old guy was a hit with the ladies on these trips, although I'm not sure why bc he's old.  Anyways, he took me making fun of him well, which is super important. 

On the other side of the table Feath and Long Beach were sucking face. It was really funny. After the restaurant we went to our regular bar around the corner. We all hung out there. It wasn't crowded at all so it was very nice.  Feath and Long Beach kept making out. I went to the bathroom.  It's a small place so you can hear conversations I the bar while in the bathroom.  I heard Feath ask old guy where I was. She told him I must like him (not really true) bc I was still there. She said that I didn't like him I wouldn't have sat still for so long and probably would have left. Paints a nice portrait of me huh?  Anyways, it was funny to listen to that conversation. 

Eventually I kissed with old guy. We left the bar around 1, the other couple stayed later. He walked me home and we kissed some more by my place. I said good night

He texted me the next day to tell me he had fun. Of course he did. Of course he did.  

Lesson: A double with Feathers leads to lots of fun. Also, old men like young girls (I already knew this though). 

A storm on my heart

Hi all.  I bet you think I've become really boring and stopped dating. Not true at all. I did take a hiatus- not self imposed-for a while. Then went on a few dates. Stopped again, now I'm back. It's not always easy!  And only the weirdos write to me on the dating sites.  I don't think finding men is really the problem, it's finding normal guys that I like that is hard. Very hard. I know this is everyone's problem, but it's new to me. 

Here goes- this one will be short bc I am still really mad about the guy...

Name: Storm (because he stormed into my black heart and then right back out)

Age: 31 or 32

Met:  This was a set up months in the making. He is the brother of Co's husband's friend. They thought we'd be a good match. It took a while bc first he was traveling, then I was away for the summer, then he travelled more, then I got really sick, then there was a hurricane. Finally we were supposed to meet the night of the nor'easter. He gave me an out, saying we could reschedule but at this point I really wanted to meet him and said I would brave the storm, being the tough Midwestern gal that I am.

Date 1:  a wine and cheese bar,yeah, I know. Not the best choice for me but I scoped out the menu ahead of time and there were things I could eat.

We arrived at the same time.  I was pretty bundled up because of the storm, he was not dressed appropriately for the weather, but he's a guy so it makes it ok. I told him right away that I couldn't eat cheese.  He acted like he was ok with it (but I know really he loves cheese) and said I could have picked another place, but I was fine with the cheese spot. We ordered a bottle of wine and a few things off the menu without dairy.   

The date lasted a long time. We had so so much in common. He likes the same music as me (this was HUGE for me, not a lot of my friends have the same taste).  He knew all the smaller bands that I like, in fact he is a music nut and goes to concerts every week. He'd seen every band I named. He likes to cook, and eat out at new places, I like to eat out too!  He runs, he loves Game of Thrones, we have the same favorite author (not even sure how the author thing came up). He's successful, lawyer, lives in a cool neighborhood, owns a tv, close with his family. All the good stuff. We had a lot to talk about and I had a great time. I liked him right away. 

After the restaurant and making out on the street I couldn't find a cab, so he walked me home!  A mile in the nor'easter. Very chivalrous. It was amazing. We made out more outside my building and I went home. 

I heard from him the next day- which was awesome. But he was going to Vegas for a long weekend so I knew I wouldn't see him. We got intel from his brother that storm also thought the date went well and we had a ton in common.  I  wasn't really ready to open myself up to liking him, but I had a feeling I would soon.  This was fast for me.  I was excited. 

Date 2: a concert!

Yep, that's right. When storm got back from Vegas he texted me the next day that he scored last minute tickets to a concert and would I like to go?  The concert was that night. I had conferences the next day. I didn't have a ton of time to wrap my head around the idea but Feathers and Co both said GO!  So I did. We met at the concert hall at 9. I was nervous but game for a new experience. We got drinks, I was impressed that he was willing to go out, and to drink after a weekend in Vegas. 

The concert was great. We talked, listened, just a nice time. He kept putting his arm around me so I made a conscious decision to be nice and let it happen.  I also decided I liked him (big mistake) so I was cool with it. Although awkward, I was all girly and leaned against him and stuff. I feel weird even writing this. It was out of character for me, and warming up to someone, a guy, is not something I like to do. 

I did learn that he does not, and never has "eaten a sandwich". I asked this when other people at the concert we eating sandwiches around us. He didn't  ask if I did, but I could sense that it may develop into a potential problem. 

After the concert where I acted like a mushy girl (puke) he asked if I wanted to get a drink at a bar.  It was really late but I was into him and we were holding hands so I said yes. At the bar we talked more, found more we had in common.  Finally, at around 2:30/3 am we left. Made out a lot on the street and I got in a cab.  

I was in trouble. I liked a guy. After only two dates. I wasn't sure what to do. I was very upset with myself for liking someone so quickly. I texted him thank you for taking me to the concert the next day. This is something that as a rule I never do. But I liked this fool so I did it. He wrote back, I wrote again.

 I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!!

I don't understand. He told his bother the date was good. We had a great time. He made me think its ok to like him. He have so much in common. I feel like a foolish girl.

Here are some possible  reasons why I haven't heard from him:

He likes cheese too much and is disappointed I can't eat it

He thinks I'm too hefty

He fell off the face of the earth

He wanted to meet someone who shares no interests with him

He got back together with his catholic ex girlfriend 

He's a moron

He is intimidated by how cool I am

I don't know. I'm mad. I can't let it go. I wish he gave some indication of what the fuck happened. Oh well. 

I learned a lesson. My friends think the lesson I learned is that that are guys out there that could have the same interests as me and like the same music as me. That's not at all what I learned. Here's what I learned: don't like anyone so quickly. Make them wait a little before I really decide I  like them and open my heart up to them.  I am taking this very seriously. Stupid storm screwed with my head.  

Sorry for the angry post. This is also part of why I haven't written for so long. Many more coming now.